Lowering the bar

A recent Van Neistat video about perfectionism got me thinking about how how I fall into that trap sometimes, specifically with this blog. I haven’t thought about it too much, but maybe it’s not even about reaching perfection, but simply trying to avoid embarrassment.

Before social media took over the world, having a blog was a lot more useful than it is now. For example, when we moved from Minnesota to California I wanted a way to stay in touch with family and friends in a way that didn’t include writing the same basic e-mail over and over. So I started a blog and posted some pictures, sharing short anecdotes about what we were up to. I don’t think I ever had more than a couple family members actually read anything, but it served its purpose and I learned some things about web development. I didn’t worry about creating anything great – it was simply used as a record of what was going on. Now that social media has kind of filled this need, you gotta wonder why anyone these days wants to have a blog. I mean, there are still great blogs out there – I visit kottke, Swiss Miss, Daring Fireball, and others frequently. But for nobodies like me, what’s the point?

Here’s why I do it:

1. It’s fun to work on
2. It’s nice to have a personal hub of sorts (e.g., for posting links to social media accounts or to create long-form posts about trips or projects, etc.)
3. It helps improve my thinking and, hopefully, my writing (though this might be up for debate)

Spending a few hours trying to fix a CSS problem I barely understand, while maybe strange for some, for me is an enjoyable way to spend an evening. The same goes for experimenting with different typefaces and layouts as well as learning enough Liquid to get the tags page in alphabetical order. I also like having a place to post interesting links or long-form writing, that I control 100%.

This is all well and good, but with a web site like this you quickly hit an issue: you need raw material (aka “content”) to actually make the site work. So you need to write stuff, which is where most of the problems surface.

As mentioned above, I’m definitely not doing this for “the views.” It’s basically a personal journal, written exclusively by me, and pretty much only for me. It just so happens to have a more “interesting-to-work-on” presentation layer. However, it’s also different than a journal because I know for certain no one will ever read my journal. And while it’s unlikely anyone will ever read this blog, it’s not impossible.

The point I’m trying to get to here is that there’s zero pressure to write anything decent with a private journal; as a result, it’s way easier. I can sit down and churn out a bunch of random, messy thoughts and it doesn’t matter – I can be more creative and take more risks with what I write about. When it comes to blogging, though, I put a certain amount of pressure on myself to create things that are more insightful and/or polished. (Or, at the very least, not complete shit.) I start spiraling in this negative headspace, doubting everything and ultimately wondering what I’m even doing. The internal hit, “Stop this, you’re embarassing yourself” is on endless repeat.

Is this a rational voice editing my life and saving me from endless embarrassment? Or is it the “cowardice of perfectionism” preventing me from starting? What about Steven Pressfield’s Resistance, which is something I should ignore and power through? I’m not sure, but I know it has a chilling effect and tends to prevent me from trying things, not only on this silly blog, but sometimes also out in the real world.

One glimmer of hope here is that as you get older you realize, for better or worse, that everyone is obsessed with their own situations and the importance you’re placing on what others think is generally misguided. While I do feel that striving to create awesome things is worthwhile, there’s also certain contexts where Neistat’s “good enough” is a worthy goal.

How does this relate to this blog? Well, I’m trying to create more and not get so caught up in whether or not any of it is worthwhile. Simply put, creating a web site and writing stuff for it makes me feel good. I’m creating this for my future self, as I always enjoy looking back on the things I’ve written, even if they are somewhat cringe-worthy. This is a reminder to that future self, when he’s doubting everything, to lower the bar and treat this more as a messy, informal “weblog” rather than something that needs to be perfect.